Where was I when all of you were sleeping?
I was sitting on my balcony, in the dark, the air misty with dew, listening to the fountain flowing in the pond and eating a bowl of some sort of multicolored little flakes. It was 3 a.m.
I've been having trouble sleeping the last few nights! Shirley says it's nerves but I really don't feel nervous about my upcoming surgery. I DON'T think I do... maybe it's subconscious. Who knows. All I know is I am so ready to get this dog-gone lump out of my breast and get on with my life. Maybe it's anxiousness that is keeping me awake, who knows. 5 more days...
I've never gone out on my balcony in the middle of the night! It was so peaceful. The constant traffic on the nearby highway was non-existent. All I could hear was the water splashing out of that fountain. I could see the outlines of the trees, the hotel that is a block away, the buggar light behind the clinic next door. I could see the dew that had formed on top of the cars in the parking lot. I peered over the railing but there was nothing moving, no people, no dogs, not even that pesky stray cat that doesn't even belong here. Everybody and everything was asleep.
I felt so alone. I went back to bed and I thought... if I just had my husband here to hold me, to put his arms around me and say, 'Honey, it's gonna be ok'. But, that's not going to happen. He's been gone 12 years now and I've learned to be alone. I relish my alone time. But, right now, I just need a hug.