My last post was a fun one.
This one is dead serious but I hope you will read it and glean some bits of insight from it.
I have a world of respect for Simone Biles for the choice she made to step aside from something she has worked for, for years... in order to save herself.
Too little has been said over the years about mental health. In the past it was considered a taboo subject, heavens forbid that people think you weren't 'right' in the head, that you couldn't 'control' your brain. The brain has always been a mystery and so was not considered an organ to be treated the same as you would treat your heart, your liver. etc.
I think Simone put the spotlight on something people need to not be afraid of discussing and healing.
I know for me it has made a huge impact on me, Simone's decision I mean.
At the same time as she was stepping down from her dreams, I was going through a huge stack of journals. I've been journaling for a large part of my life so that stack is pretty tall.
My objective: There are things that I put on paper that, as I am more aware of my mortality, just don't need to be seen by others. I don't want my children and others to be offended and hurt by something I wrote in a fit of deep despair and anguish.
The choice - destroy all those journal, which, by the way, have a lot of happy, wonderful thoughts, feelings, accounting of events that have made up my life. Or do I leave them for my descendants to mull over and maybe get a glimpse of who I was.
That negated marking through some of the deepest, darkest entries.
The worst journal that I have gone through so far was 2012, a year after I lost my husband. I was at my lowest point. I'd lost the love of my life after 60 years of marriage. I had no idea who I was, what I was suppose to be doing, how to go on.
Later, however, I did meet someone else who meant the world to me and I lost him in 2017. Again, 2018 was one hell of a year.
Because of Simone, I saw finally how desperately I needed help back then because of my mental health. I put my children through a lot. They suggested I 'see someone' but I know now that I couldn't see that I should 'see someone'. Often we need a soft, loving push to get that help.
It's been a real revelation to me, to finally know and recognize how desperate I was back then for help. Mental health needs to be recognized, treated and the one suffering needs all the support and love they can get, not judgment or denial.
Okay, I've had my say. Be on the lookout for those around you who might be struggling.
You could be an angel in disguise.
I don't think you should destroy the journals. Your children will appreciate them, depression and all.
ReplyDeleteI say, save your journals. I agree, Old lives matter! I go slower and things now take me longer. You have a super day, hugs, Edna B.
ReplyDeleteGood point. Pay attention and if the kids start chirping, that is something to pay attention to. Perhaps a little note tucked into the journal might explain why you kept them. So much value to a journal.
ReplyDeleteMy mom is your age but she has dementia. She didn't journal but wrote and kept tons of letters and took pictures of herself and lots of other people. When I had to move her to memory care last year, as an only child, I had to go through all these letters and photos. I wish she would've destroyed this stuff herself. I read and saw things I wish I hadn't. I personally think things written for oneself should remain that way. Private thoughts should remain private. I seem to be the minority here but I think leaving behind things that can't be explained by the person who wrote them is not necessarily a gift but a burden. Just an opinion from someone who has been there.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. I've "seen someone" three times, with a tune-up after September 11. It's made a world of difference in my life and made the struggles that followed much easier to bear. Take care!
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