Personally I have never been a fan of 'long-winded' blog posts. And, here I am doing one. But, please bear with me. This is just on my heart to share this with you all.
I was a shy, awkward country girl who never seem to fit in at school, no friends near where I lived. My self-esteem was pretty low.
By the time I was 17 I was a new bride, a new mom at 18. And, so I took on those roles of Mother and Wife when I was in my mid-teens. And, those are the roles I played for decades! With our busy life I had not time to concentrate on me.
When I was 65 my husband and I moved from Alabama to Virginia. A couple years into being in our new home I met a woman who fascinated me. She was into healthy eating, connecting with nature, mediation, yoga, self-discovery. That was so new to me and I wanted to know more. I've always been a curious sort and love to learn about new things. My talks with her were so enlightening.
My first self-help book I ordered was 'Who Will Cry When I Die' by Robin Sharma. I quickly became a follower of his and I began to delve into who I really was. I felt that there was more to this individual walking around in my shoes than just wife and mother. By this time my kids were all grown and I was the full-time caregiver for my husband who had Alzheimers.
Who was this person that my Mother had given birth to. I wanted to find out. So, I set out on a self-discovery journey of my own.
I read lots of books, most of which were 'crap' (excuse the expression) but I have found a few that has opened my mind, my heart and my soul that made me dig down and bring up all those old fears, wounds, scars that I had shoved so deep inside me over the years. I began to discover a sense of peace, of calm, of truth and being authentic. Oh, I'm not there yet but I know more of who I was meant to be, of who I can be, of peace and happiness and just a sense of being alive than I have ever felt.
Some of my problem was not knowing that we all are capable and should set boundaries for ourselves. When I discovered that I could request ... no, demand.... boundaries, wow, that gave me such a sense of freedom to be me. I've learned to be more open to forgiveness, to even forgive myself and especially those who have hurt me. This life is too short to hold those wounds as sacred evidences of past wrongs.
I'm working hard on that low self-esteem and it is a work in progress. I've had a great life, I've done a ton of things in those years, but I feel like I wasn't worthy or good enough so it always felt like it was someone else who did all that stuff, who travels all those miles, who held weeping mothers in my arms in MADD, who served on committes, who wrote books, and painted and quilted and so much more. BTW... singing is not on that list.
'The Artist's Way' is a favorite book, so is 'Original Me' and now I am reading 'The Awakening'. All exellent sources to guide us to a better place in our lives. I also really enjoyed 'Women Rowing North'.
I encourage you to find your own path, your own self. You may be wonderfully surprised.
And, I end with this... With an open heart I embrace each and every one of my blogging buddies. You are such a blessing to me. Love you.
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